Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
