and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
