did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
