Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Randomize
