the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
