There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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