I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
