He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
