so explain again why im purple
no
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
