Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
