Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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