one two three fourrrrnication!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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