I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize