i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's always time for handjobs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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