I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
