It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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