I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
