The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
