I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
