Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
