Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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