Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
