a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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