dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize