He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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