How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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