I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
