last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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