that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
