ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
