And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
