I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize