yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just had sex bonerless
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
