so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
