i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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