i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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