Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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