Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
