I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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