No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
