"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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