Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
