He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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