I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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