He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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