Apparently you make a good broom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
