Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
