I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
