i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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