Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Randomize
