I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
