is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize