For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
