You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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