I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is my gift to your gina
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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