so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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