and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
