I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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