We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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