Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
