i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
