my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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