You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
