You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
