and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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