Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
