ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
